2ww

I need to jump ahead and bit as I am in the 2WW for my third IUI. This is a bit easier because I've done it two times already. I did not take the recommended dose of prometrium this time. That stuff made my boobs so sore last cycle I thought they'd fall off. Tonight I will up the dosage and take as recommended, twice daily. I am having light cramping all day, but am not reading anything into it because it can mean anything. I am 6dpiui and will test on Father's Day. I really want to be able to give my husband a Father's Day gift from me for our children. He does have two children already, but we'll get into that later.

The IUI went off without a hitch on Monday. Although, my husband and I got into it that morning as he appeared he did not want to give the sample. I was disgusted and said 'Its okay, we'll sit this cycle out because I am not dealing with this' and I meant it. He mobbed around all morning up until the last second. But we rescheduled for later and got it done. This time he did not come with me, which was fine and I got up after the five minutes and went back to work. Something I've not done before. I also jumped him the night after IUI because I got the egg white cervical mucus which means I was ovulating. I am hoping of the 15 million sperm they 'shot in' me, one fertilizes one of the two eggs I hopefully released.

I always have to wonder, why me? Why am I infertile and why can't I give my husband a child like he wants. This is the first, time he's asked me for something that I cannot deliver, literally. Even our dog is pregnant on her first try and due to deliver in a few days. Even she has done something I can't. WTF!

Today was one our friends daughter's b-day party but I was not invited. I guess they knew it'd be too painful for me to see all the pregnant women and ones with kids and me there, not being able to conceive or have a child of my own. My DSD comes in July and I am mentally preparing myself for that. God help me.