Kisspeptin – a hormone found in young girls that may be useful in older women to help them conceive. Its supposed to be an alternative to using stimulating drugs.
Check out this link to learn more about the ground breaking photos taken of a woman ovulating - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7447942.stm
Friday, June 27, 2008
High Fertility!
High fertility, high fertility!!! Today is CD10 for me and I got a high on my CBE monitor. I am so excited and hoping I will peak in a few days. I thought that I normally ovulate on CD 14 but as I looked over my calendar, on which I write down my weight, ovulation date, CDs etc, I have ovulated between CD12-14 and my cycle has been 27-31 days long at times. So I am not the typical 28 day cycle, 14 day ovulation. It is so imperative that we listen to our bodys as opposed to what’s written. Over the past 3 months, I have been so medicated that I was not sure what was what.
I was sort of perplexed to find this during my research on luteal phase yesterday. I learned that the days before ovulation can greatly vary from woman to woman but the days after ovulation, the luteal phase, is normally 14 days long. A luteal phase shorter than say 10 days is normally considered defective. Some cycles are 28-38 days and this is considered normal. Some women ovulate 10 -19 days into their cycles. The entire preovulation (elevation of LH and FSH), ovulation and postovulation take a maximum of 36 hours. The egg normally lives a maximum of 24 hours, but most likely 12 hours. That does not leave a huge window of time to BD (baby dance/dust). I also learned that sperm need about 6 hours to make the journey to the egg and its best to have the sperm waiting for the egg instead of ovulating then BDing. I am going to rent or purchase the video A Child is Born, to get some more detailed information because in it, it is supposed to show sperm in the woman’s body and how most of them just die off or try to fertilize the first thing they see and not many make the journey to the egg. I am very curious and plan on doing the post-coital test if I am not successful with this cycle, because I really am curious about my CM (cervical mucus). Sperm need CM to survive and swim in. Over the next few days I will be drinking A LOT of water to help ensure I have that slippery CM needed for the sperm to thrive and swim. * Takes a long gulp of water*
I am off to research a bit more. I had heard in the past that sperm, when first ejaculated, has to take some time to become capacitated to swim. It sits in a gelatinous type semen sort of as a protective measure just in case the CM is hostile. After a while, it sort of melts down and the sperm are released to make their journey.
Yeah, I know lots of research and information. Well that’s the kick I am on right now. Gotta do something to occupy my time.
I was sort of perplexed to find this during my research on luteal phase yesterday. I learned that the days before ovulation can greatly vary from woman to woman but the days after ovulation, the luteal phase, is normally 14 days long. A luteal phase shorter than say 10 days is normally considered defective. Some cycles are 28-38 days and this is considered normal. Some women ovulate 10 -19 days into their cycles. The entire preovulation (elevation of LH and FSH), ovulation and postovulation take a maximum of 36 hours. The egg normally lives a maximum of 24 hours, but most likely 12 hours. That does not leave a huge window of time to BD (baby dance/dust). I also learned that sperm need about 6 hours to make the journey to the egg and its best to have the sperm waiting for the egg instead of ovulating then BDing. I am going to rent or purchase the video A Child is Born, to get some more detailed information because in it, it is supposed to show sperm in the woman’s body and how most of them just die off or try to fertilize the first thing they see and not many make the journey to the egg. I am very curious and plan on doing the post-coital test if I am not successful with this cycle, because I really am curious about my CM (cervical mucus). Sperm need CM to survive and swim in. Over the next few days I will be drinking A LOT of water to help ensure I have that slippery CM needed for the sperm to thrive and swim. * Takes a long gulp of water*
I am off to research a bit more. I had heard in the past that sperm, when first ejaculated, has to take some time to become capacitated to swim. It sits in a gelatinous type semen sort of as a protective measure just in case the CM is hostile. After a while, it sort of melts down and the sperm are released to make their journey.
Yeah, I know lots of research and information. Well that’s the kick I am on right now. Gotta do something to occupy my time.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
All the BFNs
I visited my baby site after a little hiatus to check on the stats there. It seems that everyone is getting BFNs now after the initial BFP after BFP. I kept thinking with the statistics there would not be many more positives. Alas...it seems I was correct. I hate that I was correct. I read through the posts of each Hopeful who wants to have a child. The heartbreak and dispair at AF (Aunt Flo) rearing her ugly head. I remember when I joined I had such high hopes, but it was once I started reading peoples signatures that I realized I might just be in this for the long haul. I pray not.
In a frenzied whirlwind
I have been blowing up the internet all day in regards to LH surges and post-coital tests. I seriously think that either I have hostile CM (cervical mucus) or a short LH surge and my egg does not live that long. I have not had a post coital test because I was doing the IUIs and my doctor stated that the IUI is the best option for hostile CM, well that is next to IVF. He explained how with the limited lifetime funds insurance provides, its sometimes best to just try to overcome the infertility rather than run all the tests trying to find out exactly what is causing it. Well, that sounded good at the time when I thought I'd do every treatment and IVF is so expensive so I better be conservative. But now that I am going back to au natural, I have these concerns. All my bloodwork was fine, but still I almost made a doctors appointment to schedule the post coital, but then I declined, not wanting to even go to the clinic at all this month.
My other concern is that my egg is not maturing or it has a very short lifespan. I researched to find some posts on short LH surges. Some women truly surge and then its gone and then its done and that's the reason why they do not get positives on the OPK. That made me question my CBEFM and it just went on and on. I wondered if I could miss the LH surge since I test in the AM with first urine. What if I surge in the early PM at work and then I dont' test again until the next morning, what happens if my surge is already come and gone and my egg is short lived for 12 hours!!!!! I continued to blow up the internet for quite some time looking for the answer but found nothing. I decided to just keep doing what the monitor asks me to do and wait to see what it says. I am pooped!
My other concern is that my egg is not maturing or it has a very short lifespan. I researched to find some posts on short LH surges. Some women truly surge and then its gone and then its done and that's the reason why they do not get positives on the OPK. That made me question my CBEFM and it just went on and on. I wondered if I could miss the LH surge since I test in the AM with first urine. What if I surge in the early PM at work and then I dont' test again until the next morning, what happens if my surge is already come and gone and my egg is short lived for 12 hours!!!!! I continued to blow up the internet for quite some time looking for the answer but found nothing. I decided to just keep doing what the monitor asks me to do and wait to see what it says. I am pooped!
What's this extra piece on my behind?
How many have gained weight while going through all this fertility treatment? *Slowly raises hand* I was not my ideal, healthy weight going into this thing, but boy am I a bit disgusted with what's come out of it. Extra juicey is what I'll call it. Bits and pieces spilling over a tad her and there. Not attractive at all. I continued to exercise and walk and tread the whole time but it just seems I was unable to control the pounds. The bloating alone was enough to keep me out of my cutest summer gear. But now its time to take it all off. So thats the plan. I am attempting to join a gym under a 90 day contract and we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I am watching what I eat...like the Krispy Kreme donut I watched go down with eat scrumptious bite. But seriously I am controlling the calories a bit more in hopes of shedding these unwanted pounds.
What about you?
What about you?
Monday, June 23, 2008
Ermmm...Whose Paying for this?
I got my bill in the mail from the fertility clinic. $186 for 3 rounds of IUI. I sat down and went over the entire list and it looks like we've spent about $650 for the medications, co-pays and IUI procedures. Not that bad right? Well it is when I don't have anything to show for it except experience. Why should I have to pay for it when it did not work.
Okay, I know that's not rational but I did think it for a split second. When I first opened the bill, I tossed it on the table in disgust and said 'I ain't paying for shiiiiit!'. Then reality struck as I thought of my credit report and how quickly they report you to collections and I said....'well maybe my initial reaction was unfavorable, perhaps I'd better pay'. LOL!!!
Now, to be fair the fertility clinic I visit does have this program called Shared Risk for IVF. You have to qualify but they will refund your money if you do not get pregnant via IVF after a certain point. I thought that was a good fair deal but I am praying I never have to use it.
Okay, I know that's not rational but I did think it for a split second. When I first opened the bill, I tossed it on the table in disgust and said 'I ain't paying for shiiiiit!'. Then reality struck as I thought of my credit report and how quickly they report you to collections and I said....'well maybe my initial reaction was unfavorable, perhaps I'd better pay'. LOL!!!
Now, to be fair the fertility clinic I visit does have this program called Shared Risk for IVF. You have to qualify but they will refund your money if you do not get pregnant via IVF after a certain point. I thought that was a good fair deal but I am praying I never have to use it.
Ahhh to be drug free
Today is CD6 for me and in the past the old me would just be finishing up a round of low dose clomid and one Bravelle shot. But that's not me anymore. The new me is drug free and loving it. I can't explain how lucid, sharp and alive my brain and body have been the past few days. No low grade headache, no hot flashes, no lose of sanity...okay, okay maybe just a tad :-) I don't feel all bloated and irritable and to tell you the truth, I'd forgotten what it feels like to not be medicated.
This weekend I indulged in a Frappacino from Starbucks. A caffienated one! I did mean to get decaf, but forgot and it was so good that I sucked it down with reckless abandon. Then sat up all night was my eyes popping out of my head on a caffiene high. I stopped at the Beer and Wine store and got me a bottle of White Zinfindel, my absolute favorite and have been partaking of it over the last few days. On Friday, my husband and I went out and had dinner and I had a Pomegranate Mai Tai and a Lemon Drop Martini. Ahhhh, the good life.
I don't miss clomid, or bravelle or ovidrel. I am content with CBE Fertility monitor, for now and can't wait to see what happens with that.
This is a drug free zone, a drug free time and I am loving every minute of it!
This weekend I indulged in a Frappacino from Starbucks. A caffienated one! I did mean to get decaf, but forgot and it was so good that I sucked it down with reckless abandon. Then sat up all night was my eyes popping out of my head on a caffiene high. I stopped at the Beer and Wine store and got me a bottle of White Zinfindel, my absolute favorite and have been partaking of it over the last few days. On Friday, my husband and I went out and had dinner and I had a Pomegranate Mai Tai and a Lemon Drop Martini. Ahhhh, the good life.
I don't miss clomid, or bravelle or ovidrel. I am content with CBE Fertility monitor, for now and can't wait to see what happens with that.
This is a drug free zone, a drug free time and I am loving every minute of it!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Test Strips...
are on the way! I got them on craigslist too for $38 shipped. A brand new box plus some leftovers. I priced those bad boys at Rite Aide and CVS for a whopping $49.99. I had heart palpitations, shortness of breath, a mild stroke and a heart attack each time I leaned in to confirm the price. Good Lawd...FORTY-NINE DOLLAS (yes dollas, not dollars) for a stick that I am going to piss on. LOL!!! I ran lights and stop signs and may have hit a few pedestrians trying to get home and then jumped on email quickly to pay for the strips I had on reserve. The seller is putting them in the mail tomorrow morning. I can't wait! This month I'll be charting and testing CM (cervical mucus), taking temps and loving every minute of it. Who needs IUIs anyway.
Shooting Blanks
That's what one of my in laws accused my hubbie of doing. Now she has 3 children with her husband, 1 before their marriage and he has 2 or 3 prior to the marriage, for a total of 6 or 7. When we went to visit and when we were just beginning fertility treatment she asked him 'Why haven't you gotten Rebound Girl pregnant yet. You must be shooting blanks because ain't nothing wrong with Rebound Girl. It was mordifying and funny at the same time. My husband kept mum but I jumped to his defense stating that he already has kids so obviously he's not shooting blanks. But she kept at him and finally he was like 'lets go'.
Family, you can't live with them and you can't shoot them.
We have a family reunion coming up in a few months and I want to be pregnant when I go down there, so my husband can beam from ear to ear and announce it. He's already told me that he is not waiting 12 weeks before he shares the news. He couldn't keep a secret to save his life!
Family, you can't live with them and you can't shoot them.
We have a family reunion coming up in a few months and I want to be pregnant when I go down there, so my husband can beam from ear to ear and announce it. He's already told me that he is not waiting 12 weeks before he shares the news. He couldn't keep a secret to save his life!
Oh You Can't Have Any...Like Me
Those are the words of my dementia induced by diabetes, grandmother. She never had children of her own, only raised other people's kids and then took to one special little girl and raised her as her own from a small baby after her mother died. That'd be my mother.
My grandmother always wanted me to have children as soon as possible. She did not care! When I graduated from high school I had a boyfriend that I dated since 10th grade. She told me to go on and have a baby and she'd raise it while I was off in college. She always said, you better do it now while you're young baby. Sometimes I wish I would have listened. Whenever i speak to her on the phone she always asks how many children I have. I always say none and she asks what I am waiting on and I tell her, well God has not decided to give me any yet and she usually says 'Oh, you can't have any like me'. I just stay silent and take it like a bullet each and every time. I dread calling her sometimes, but that is my grammie; she raised me and loved me and I understand that now she is sick in mind and body and does not really know that what she is saying hurts me. Otherwise, I'd cuss her old as out.
But why aren't I more like her, she was unable to have her own children and she spent her life raising other peoples kids and for her it was rewarding. Just about everybody in our family calls her Momma. She even raised her sister's children off and on. Somehow I don't feel adoption is for me. I KNOW my husband would be like 'get the hell out of here' if I did want to, but I just don't. I want my own biological children that came out of my own behind (sorry TMI). We need and deserve that common bond. Surprisingly, if I had my own biological child, I think I'd be more open to adoption. Weird?
My grandmother always wanted me to have children as soon as possible. She did not care! When I graduated from high school I had a boyfriend that I dated since 10th grade. She told me to go on and have a baby and she'd raise it while I was off in college. She always said, you better do it now while you're young baby. Sometimes I wish I would have listened. Whenever i speak to her on the phone she always asks how many children I have. I always say none and she asks what I am waiting on and I tell her, well God has not decided to give me any yet and she usually says 'Oh, you can't have any like me'. I just stay silent and take it like a bullet each and every time. I dread calling her sometimes, but that is my grammie; she raised me and loved me and I understand that now she is sick in mind and body and does not really know that what she is saying hurts me. Otherwise, I'd cuss her old as out.
But why aren't I more like her, she was unable to have her own children and she spent her life raising other peoples kids and for her it was rewarding. Just about everybody in our family calls her Momma. She even raised her sister's children off and on. Somehow I don't feel adoption is for me. I KNOW my husband would be like 'get the hell out of here' if I did want to, but I just don't. I want my own biological children that came out of my own behind (sorry TMI). We need and deserve that common bond. Surprisingly, if I had my own biological child, I think I'd be more open to adoption. Weird?
I have kids...sort of
They are my sister,s children. So precious at 4, 3, and 1. I love them to pieces and they love me too, can't wait to see me and spend time with me. My one neice told my sister that she needed to see me because she was sure I missed her. This was after they vacationed and I had not seen them in some time. So I saw them Saturday, the same day I kept crying at every stroller or pregnant woman that passed by. We played at the play area and when we walked, my neices held my hand and I felt better because no one knew that they were not mine. No one could see me as the mommie wanna be, infertile myrtle, fertility challenged woman that I am.
Those Fertile Bitches at Work!
Oh Lord. I feel so bad because my co-worker whose about 10 weeks pregnant is getting on my nerves. Oh !!!!!...she is my friend and I really do care about her, but the constant talk about things is getting to me. Today as we were walking in from lunch she revealed to me that she was wearing maternity pants today and they felt so much better than the other ones. Yesterday it was how she had to unbutton the pants and how her husband made her so sick and nauseous with something he cooked that morning and blah, blah, blah. I am one of the few who was privileged enough to know that she's pregnant before 12 weeks. One of the others had her baby today. The last is a guy who will not listen to all this crap. So, I wanted to just burst into tears when I kept hearing about the baby in her tummy and she forwarded me the email exchange of her asking our HR rep about maternity leave. In the words of Florida Evans (Good Times) 'Damn, damn, damn'!!!!!!
Now the other fertile myrtle had her almost 9 pound baby today. I guess I am not so upset about that. Atleast the evidence that she got pregnant after I said I wanted to and had the baby before I can even get pregnant is gone. I was much better handling the news of her delivery. However, when she brings that new little baby in for everyone to see I just don't know how I'll take it.
The third pregnant lady came in with her 6 week old baby and I did all I could to avoid seeing him. Just could not go see that baby.
The fourth just keeps telling me she's praying for me and it will happen soon. Oh boy! This is the one who got married and decided to have a baby within a month and got pregnant. Then said they were praying for a boy and got that too.
Add to that the two women I know who've both had abortions earlier in life and have gone on to have a combined 8 children. Lord take me now!!!! How in the hell do they get to concieve and I don't?!?!?!?!
But its not their faults because they are pregnant and have children and its not mine that I am jealous, angry, scared, frustrated, confused and at times unable to deal with any of them.
I've ranted on, incoherently and now I'll move on to something else. Woosah (rubbing the ears).
Now the other fertile myrtle had her almost 9 pound baby today. I guess I am not so upset about that. Atleast the evidence that she got pregnant after I said I wanted to and had the baby before I can even get pregnant is gone. I was much better handling the news of her delivery. However, when she brings that new little baby in for everyone to see I just don't know how I'll take it.
The third pregnant lady came in with her 6 week old baby and I did all I could to avoid seeing him. Just could not go see that baby.
The fourth just keeps telling me she's praying for me and it will happen soon. Oh boy! This is the one who got married and decided to have a baby within a month and got pregnant. Then said they were praying for a boy and got that too.
Add to that the two women I know who've both had abortions earlier in life and have gone on to have a combined 8 children. Lord take me now!!!! How in the hell do they get to concieve and I don't?!?!?!?!
But its not their faults because they are pregnant and have children and its not mine that I am jealous, angry, scared, frustrated, confused and at times unable to deal with any of them.
I've ranted on, incoherently and now I'll move on to something else. Woosah (rubbing the ears).
CBE Fertility Monitor
So, I took the plunge and purchased the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor from a lady in my neighboring state. I am going to use it for a few months while saving up for IVF and pray that we get pregnant. I read all the rave reviews online with a few not so good ones in between and decided its a go. I've never had a chance to use one and so this is it!
I was on craigslist like a mad woman yesterday emailing and corresponding and breaking out into a cold sweat. LOL!!!
Despite the makers saying that its not good to transfer the machine and have more than one user, I know its a determent to keep us paying close to $200 for the machine and $50 for 30 test sticks, but they won't get me like that. Nope. I got mine used for $35! That's right and I'll get some test sticks at CVS for $39. Its about the cost of my IUI with insurance coverage. LOL!!!
Today is CD1 for me and as soon as I get my machine, disinfect it and calibrate it, I will be charting my days. I've done the basal temp and charting before, so this should be similar right? We'll see. Whats more is I ovulate monthly, like clockwork, but I learned from reading that some women did as well but found with the monitor that their peak days were before they thought, so when they started BDing (baby dusting/dancing), the egg was at high quality and may not have been viable. So many tales of getting pregnant after one month of charting and even one of a lady who did mediated IUIs and did not get pregnant, but got the monitor charted and got pregnant. I am praying I too have a story to share like that one. Maybe I am buying into the hype of it all or perhaps being swept away by the possibilities, but I need something to hold on to and occupy my mind, so I feel I am still making an effort. A girl has the right to dream.
I was on craigslist like a mad woman yesterday emailing and corresponding and breaking out into a cold sweat. LOL!!!
Despite the makers saying that its not good to transfer the machine and have more than one user, I know its a determent to keep us paying close to $200 for the machine and $50 for 30 test sticks, but they won't get me like that. Nope. I got mine used for $35! That's right and I'll get some test sticks at CVS for $39. Its about the cost of my IUI with insurance coverage. LOL!!!
Today is CD1 for me and as soon as I get my machine, disinfect it and calibrate it, I will be charting my days. I've done the basal temp and charting before, so this should be similar right? We'll see. Whats more is I ovulate monthly, like clockwork, but I learned from reading that some women did as well but found with the monitor that their peak days were before they thought, so when they started BDing (baby dusting/dancing), the egg was at high quality and may not have been viable. So many tales of getting pregnant after one month of charting and even one of a lady who did mediated IUIs and did not get pregnant, but got the monitor charted and got pregnant. I am praying I too have a story to share like that one. Maybe I am buying into the hype of it all or perhaps being swept away by the possibilities, but I need something to hold on to and occupy my mind, so I feel I am still making an effort. A girl has the right to dream.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Faith versus Stupidity
So I had to wait until now to get my confirmed BFN beta. Truth be told I still had faith that I could have that late implanter or low beta number undetectable by the HPT. But of course, I was just being stupid and outlandish. They had me wait all day just to hear 'unfortunately the beta was negative'. Arggh!
So on to other things. I decided to give the fertility monitor a try. I found one on craigslist for $35 but it might be sold. I am going back to seek another. I never had a chance to use it and kept confusing it with the ovulation sticks. Now I plan to just try it au natural and see what happens. We are looking at IVF after that.
So on to other things. I decided to give the fertility monitor a try. I found one on craigslist for $35 but it might be sold. I am going back to seek another. I never had a chance to use it and kept confusing it with the ovulation sticks. Now I plan to just try it au natural and see what happens. We are looking at IVF after that.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Beta Tomorrow
Tomorrow is the official beta day for me. I had planned not to go but my husband asked about it today and I did not have the heart to tell him that I tested and it was negative. Yesterday was so hard for me but I got through it...barely. I wanted to wish him a Happy Father's Day but could not do it, so...
My first Beta I let them give him the results. When he called I could feel the heartbreak in his voice. The second one I got, and I hated that call....Unfortunately your beta was negative, stop taking the prometrium and wait for cycle day 1 to call your nurse. Ugghhh. I took it like a bullet. I dread the call tomorrow and will just let it go to voicemail and retrieve it later on. No one needs to have their feelings hurt with bad news.
I visited my baby forum to find 2 more BFPs. That is 12 for June. Now why the hell couldn't I be one of those 12. FUCK!!!!!
My first Beta I let them give him the results. When he called I could feel the heartbreak in his voice. The second one I got, and I hated that call....Unfortunately your beta was negative, stop taking the prometrium and wait for cycle day 1 to call your nurse. Ugghhh. I took it like a bullet. I dread the call tomorrow and will just let it go to voicemail and retrieve it later on. No one needs to have their feelings hurt with bad news.
I visited my baby forum to find 2 more BFPs. That is 12 for June. Now why the hell couldn't I be one of those 12. FUCK!!!!!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Another busted IUI
So today is 12 dpiui and I woke up this morning around 5am and tested my urine. I got a big fat 'Not Pregnant' and came back to bed and cried. I just don't understand how things can be so wrong. What have I done to deserve infertility. I must have done something really bad that God is holding against me.
I fell asleep and got up to go to my vision appt. then went to the mall. Every stroller I saw or every pregnant women, I cried. I just sat there feeling low and like the smallest person in the world. I was not a good pick, I am barren and I cannot give my husband children.
Because I believe that God works miracles and He can do anything, I retested in the PM and got another 'Not Pregnant'. So that's that. No Happy Father's Day from me because I can't deliver. I am sure he'll be upset, but what can I do. Obviously this is out of my control and I just give up.
I am stopping the prometrium tonight and having a strong apple martini. I don't want to hear about Beta or later implanters. This just is what it is.
I fell asleep and got up to go to my vision appt. then went to the mall. Every stroller I saw or every pregnant women, I cried. I just sat there feeling low and like the smallest person in the world. I was not a good pick, I am barren and I cannot give my husband children.
Because I believe that God works miracles and He can do anything, I retested in the PM and got another 'Not Pregnant'. So that's that. No Happy Father's Day from me because I can't deliver. I am sure he'll be upset, but what can I do. Obviously this is out of my control and I just give up.
I am stopping the prometrium tonight and having a strong apple martini. I don't want to hear about Beta or later implanters. This just is what it is.
Friday, June 13, 2008
That would be four...
Four women who've gotten pregnant since I said I wanted a baby. One lady had her second son, the next planned for baby and got pregnant with her second little girl, the third got married, decided to have a baby and was pregnant on her first try, now the fourth is pregnant after saying she was too selfish to have a baby right now, trying for 4 months and getting pregnant with her first child. I am still sitting here, not pregnant. How frustrating is that? How unfair!
Each time we announce whose pregnant next, I have to suck it up and cheer for the newly pregnant mom. All the while I am dying inside, infertility hurts, it sucks its a pain in the ass. Trying to conceive is an obsession and its ruling my entire life. All my plans seem to revolve around getting pregnant and planning for a baby.
I still feel very naseaus but testing is probably a waste of my time and this is all in my head. I am normally asleep by now so it could be some night time side effects from the prometrium or all the crap I ate today.
Each time we announce whose pregnant next, I have to suck it up and cheer for the newly pregnant mom. All the while I am dying inside, infertility hurts, it sucks its a pain in the ass. Trying to conceive is an obsession and its ruling my entire life. All my plans seem to revolve around getting pregnant and planning for a baby.
I still feel very naseaus but testing is probably a waste of my time and this is all in my head. I am normally asleep by now so it could be some night time side effects from the prometrium or all the crap I ate today.
Prometrium
Oh how I hate those little yellow bullets. I have to insert them vaginally twice daily. I did it perfectly the first IUI, the second one I stopped when I got a negative on day 12, this time I only inserted once daily for a few days and then started twice daily.
Those things give me some of the worst side effects ever. Swollen breasts, dark areolas, heaviness and bloating, and the list goes on and on and on.
They are supposed to help baby implant and promote implantation so I guess its best to grin and bear it.
Those things give me some of the worst side effects ever. Swollen breasts, dark areolas, heaviness and bloating, and the list goes on and on and on.
They are supposed to help baby implant and promote implantation so I guess its best to grin and bear it.
11dpiui
This had been the longest 2 week wait ever. I cannot believe it is only day 11. I picked up a 5 pack of digital clearblue easy pregnancy tests today at walmart. I am testing tomorrow with my first urine and hoping and praying for my positive.
I am a member of a baby board and right now for the month of June we have about 42 women in the two week wait. 10 of those have gotten their positives and 12 a negative. I am hoping I'll be a positive this month. After almost 3 years of trying to concieve and 3 IUI's I just feel like I've proven how bad I want this and I deserve it.
I feel sort of queasy tonight, but I don't want to put place to much thought in it. It could be the friggin prometrium side effects or anything other than pregnancy. The heaviness I feel in my lower abdomen is probably something else. Arghhhhh! The frustration.
I am a member of a baby board and right now for the month of June we have about 42 women in the two week wait. 10 of those have gotten their positives and 12 a negative. I am hoping I'll be a positive this month. After almost 3 years of trying to concieve and 3 IUI's I just feel like I've proven how bad I want this and I deserve it.
I feel sort of queasy tonight, but I don't want to put place to much thought in it. It could be the friggin prometrium side effects or anything other than pregnancy. The heaviness I feel in my lower abdomen is probably something else. Arghhhhh! The frustration.
Bravelle and Ovidrel
Neither of these really seem to bother me at all. Once I learned how to reconstitute the Bravelle it was smooth sailing. The Bravelle can burn a bit, but after a while it was fine. I had my husband do the shots the first time around, but the Ovidrel shot made him a bit queasy because of the way it went in my skin. I learned to just do it myself and that made things easier for me.
Each time I'd trigger with the Ovidrel, I knew I ovulated because I could feel the effects. It is amazing all that modern science can do.
Each time I'd trigger with the Ovidrel, I knew I ovulated because I could feel the effects. It is amazing all that modern science can do.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Low Dose Clomid Side Effects
HOT FLASHES!
The first time I took the clomid I got extreme hot flashes and lower abdominal pain. I had a heaviness the whole time along with a low grade headache. I would be at work cutting my heater on and off and taking my sweater off and on. At night the covers would fly everywhere. Craziness!
Second cycle no abdominal heaviness and little to no flashes.
Third cycle, a few hot flashes, no abdominal heaviness and blurred vision.
Clomid can do it to you and I wonder why I keep going back..but then again I know why. I want a baby!
The first time I took the clomid I got extreme hot flashes and lower abdominal pain. I had a heaviness the whole time along with a low grade headache. I would be at work cutting my heater on and off and taking my sweater off and on. At night the covers would fly everywhere. Craziness!
Second cycle no abdominal heaviness and little to no flashes.
Third cycle, a few hot flashes, no abdominal heaviness and blurred vision.
Clomid can do it to you and I wonder why I keep going back..but then again I know why. I want a baby!
My regimen
My doctor prescribed low dose clomid days 3-5, bravelle and ovidrel trigger.
The first cycle I fluffed my bravelle dosage and only took half and only produced one mature follicle.
My husband gave 13 million.
The second cycle I got it right but used a bit too much saline the first time around and got 3 mature follicles. I did low dose clomid, 75 IU bravelle on day 7 and then 150 IU on day 9, then trigger.
My husband gave 15 million
The third time I did the same dosage, but correctly and got 2 mature follicles.
My husband gave 14 million.
Wonder if we got the twins this time?
The first cycle I fluffed my bravelle dosage and only took half and only produced one mature follicle.
My husband gave 13 million.
The second cycle I got it right but used a bit too much saline the first time around and got 3 mature follicles. I did low dose clomid, 75 IU bravelle on day 7 and then 150 IU on day 9, then trigger.
My husband gave 15 million
The third time I did the same dosage, but correctly and got 2 mature follicles.
My husband gave 14 million.
Wonder if we got the twins this time?
2ww
I need to jump ahead and bit as I am in the 2WW for my third IUI. This is a bit easier because I've done it two times already. I did not take the recommended dose of prometrium this time. That stuff made my boobs so sore last cycle I thought they'd fall off. Tonight I will up the dosage and take as recommended, twice daily. I am having light cramping all day, but am not reading anything into it because it can mean anything. I am 6dpiui and will test on Father's Day. I really want to be able to give my husband a Father's Day gift from me for our children. He does have two children already, but we'll get into that later.
The IUI went off without a hitch on Monday. Although, my husband and I got into it that morning as he appeared he did not want to give the sample. I was disgusted and said 'Its okay, we'll sit this cycle out because I am not dealing with this' and I meant it. He mobbed around all morning up until the last second. But we rescheduled for later and got it done. This time he did not come with me, which was fine and I got up after the five minutes and went back to work. Something I've not done before. I also jumped him the night after IUI because I got the egg white cervical mucus which means I was ovulating. I am hoping of the 15 million sperm they 'shot in' me, one fertilizes one of the two eggs I hopefully released.
I always have to wonder, why me? Why am I infertile and why can't I give my husband a child like he wants. This is the first, time he's asked me for something that I cannot deliver, literally. Even our dog is pregnant on her first try and due to deliver in a few days. Even she has done something I can't. WTF!
Today was one our friends daughter's b-day party but I was not invited. I guess they knew it'd be too painful for me to see all the pregnant women and ones with kids and me there, not being able to conceive or have a child of my own. My DSD comes in July and I am mentally preparing myself for that. God help me.
The IUI went off without a hitch on Monday. Although, my husband and I got into it that morning as he appeared he did not want to give the sample. I was disgusted and said 'Its okay, we'll sit this cycle out because I am not dealing with this' and I meant it. He mobbed around all morning up until the last second. But we rescheduled for later and got it done. This time he did not come with me, which was fine and I got up after the five minutes and went back to work. Something I've not done before. I also jumped him the night after IUI because I got the egg white cervical mucus which means I was ovulating. I am hoping of the 15 million sperm they 'shot in' me, one fertilizes one of the two eggs I hopefully released.
I always have to wonder, why me? Why am I infertile and why can't I give my husband a child like he wants. This is the first, time he's asked me for something that I cannot deliver, literally. Even our dog is pregnant on her first try and due to deliver in a few days. Even she has done something I can't. WTF!
Today was one our friends daughter's b-day party but I was not invited. I guess they knew it'd be too painful for me to see all the pregnant women and ones with kids and me there, not being able to conceive or have a child of my own. My DSD comes in July and I am mentally preparing myself for that. God help me.
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