IUI #1 and #2

After much coaxing from my husband, I decided this was the next step for us. Somehow the sperm was just not meeting the egg, it was not getting past the cervix and the IUI would be the answer to our prayers. In nine months I'll be holding my baby in my arms and it would have been all worth it.

I researched ad naseum and felt good going in. I told my sister about it and she panicked telling me NOT to take the fertility drugs as I would surely have a litter I laughed and invisioned twins, how nice! Low dose clomid caused hot flashes and mood swings, but I hung in there. Bravelle shot hurt but I endured, Ovidrel brought on the ovulation pangs from hell, but I knew it'd be worth it. We made it through went for IUI#1 with one big follie. My husband gave a great sample and waited 2 weeks for the results. The 2ww is inhumane, the possiblities, the hopes and fears. I refused to take a HPT and waited for Beta. When my day arrived I was so excited.

My husband wanted them first, so he got the call. NEGATIVE! He called to let me know, the dissappointment evident in his voice. I felt awful and sulkyAfter a day I planned IUI #2. I had figured out that I had messed up the dosing on the bravelle and I should try it a second time. Surely it would work. This time I had 3 big follies waiting and ready. I did my dosage great and went in for my IUI #2. This time my husband gave even more at his sample. Although we had to do the sperm retrieval at the office watching a porno and sitting in a recliner. ICK!

This time I decided I'd test at home on day 9. 12 and 14, so I did. Each time getting a negative. I still held on to hope, God is in control, he has this. I went in for Beta and waited for the call. It same in while I was in the restroom with poor reception and the call was cut off. The second call came through a few long, excruciating two or three minutes later. I am sorry to inform you that your beta was negative. Awww hell! Okay God. I had challenged Him, told Him that if he was working miracles to go ahead and work one. Prove it to me, show me. No miracle that day, not that particular one on that day.

I called my husband with the bad news. My heart broke. Why can't I give my husband a child?