For the Love of You, I'll Do Most Anything...

That's how I am feeling right now. I feel just like running to get an IVF becuase I'd do most anything right now for a baby.

I had a dream last night that I was holding a little baby boy in my arms and somehow I felt he was not mine, like his mother would come take him away at anytime. I thought, is that sign that I will adopt. I sure hope not because I want my own biological child and that might be selfish, but that's how I feel.

So, as today is a peak day for me (a bit early according to my past cycles)I am going at it with zeal and zest. LOL!!!

For the love of you (my little bean) I'll do most anything!

Listen to the original song by Tony! Toni! Tone'!

USA Basketball Team Takes the Gold

After the Crimson Tide

Okay, Day 4 or 5...I am just over Aunt Flo and ready to go. I didn't have much time to reflect on the unsuccessfulness of this last cycle. I was soooooooooooo caught up with family stuff this weekend that I did not even have time to think. So I decided that I am going on once more with the CBE monitor and preseed. One of my cousin (in-laws) who has 4 kids suggested that I take Geritol. Oh so many suggestions! She is the same cousin who verbally attacked my husband about why he had not gotten me pregnant yet. LOL!!! That was last year some time. She gently bought the subject up this time and I lied and told her we'd moved on to other projects since this one took too long. She then said 'well don't try fertility drugs because you'll have five kids and you'll be crying. It will be a happy event, but you'll be in tears'. My husband and I just looked at each other because we have the inside scoop. We've done 3 medicated IUIs with no success, so no five babies for us.

There was a little 4 month old at a family function and I could not take my eyes off him. His mom was so in love and you could see it all over her. I held him once, but not that long. It hit me how much I REALLY want a baby. But I sucked it up quickly when it looked like my eyes were welling up with tears and I vowed to just hold on. I know our time is coming soon. I can feel it, so I just have to be patient.

On our drive home my hubbie said 'we need to just go ahead and get started with the IVF'. It broke my heart just because I know how much he wants more children and I do NOT want to do IVF. I kept quiet though and silently said a quick prayer to my Father. I know our time is coming, its within our reach we just gotta hold on!

Baby dust to all! We can do this, just hold on.

12 DPO

Feels like AF is coming any minute now. I tested on 11 DPO in the evening, this time I used one of those free early detection tests I got along with my pre-seed. It of course was negative as hell, not even the faintest line..a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. Well I sort of guessed that since I got a negative on 9 DPO. I am a firm believer that if its negative 9 DPO its a negative. Oh well there goes my hopes of having my baby on my mother's birthday.

Since I ovulated on day 16, I have to wait until day 30 for CD1 if my calcuations are correct, so that will be Thursday. I am PMSing and crampy like today is the day. I was supposed to get Pamprin at Wally world but forgot.

I was in the restroom doing a secret testing yesterday when my husband called and interrupted me. It was about the dog shampoo and I almost bit his head off after I kept staring at that one pink line. I am not sure I like it better than the 'not pregnant'. I kept looking and saying, c'mon just a little faint line. If not now when? IDK, I just don't know. Looks like I'll have plenty of drinks this weekend, no worries.

8 DPO

So I am 8 DPO, how can I resist POAS tomorrow? There is virtually no way that's not going to happen, so I figure I'll do it at first urine. Oh my! The pressure is on once again to produce this son that my hubbie keeps speaking on. A few days ago he had a heart to heart with me, in which he told me we will have a baby, its just not our time yet but our time is coming. I was surprised to hear him say it because it is rare. When I told him my coworker was having a little Boy, he commented that we needed to get our show on the road.

Oh don't I know it, don't I hope and pray that this is our month. I really, really do. But only time will tell. According to the chinese lunar calendar its all girls until December, so if that's right we have a long wait for a little boy. I'll take what I can get at this point. Either way I'll love that baby to pieces and will be the best mom ever!

Side Pain Post Ovulation

It feels like I am ovulating all over again. I hve this pain on my left side. Perhaps its gas, but I also had a slightly heavy discharge as well. What's that about. On top of that I think I am eating too many bananas and have slight constipation. LOL!!! The whole healthy eating thing is backfiring on me now! IDK what to do, i still have a 3 banana's left to eat. Maybe I'll make banana nut bread. YUM!

Alicia Keys - Superwoman

1 DPO

Well, I am at CD17 and if my calculations are correct, CD1 will be on 8/14. I’ll test that theory. We are done with the timed BDing for now. We made it on both of the high days and 1 of our peak days. Poor hubbie was tired on peak day 1 and rolled away into dream land. I felt bad so I did not bother him. LOL!!! But I woke to find I was still at peak on yesterday, so we took advantage of that. It was good since he had a day to build up those numbers. I also got to use the Pre-Seed again on peak day 2. Hubbie REALLY liked the pre-seed.

So now it’s the waiting game. I guess I’ll POAS on CD28 because I think I’ll go to CD30 this month. I feel like we are so close this time, like a month or two more and we’ll have that BFP that we’ve waited over 2 years for. Here’s to hoping and praying!

My friend and co-worker finds out the sex of her baby today and we are deep into planning my other co-workers babyshower. I am not at all emotional about it. More excited than anything because I just know my turn is not to far off. I feel very positive about that.