9DPET

I am 9 days post transfer and have been testing consistently since 6 days post...all negative. A las, I am losing hope. I am still doing the meds and trying to stay hopeful. I've had some chats with God about this as well. I know that we cannot count anything out until Beta and until God says its done. Still those negative tests are just too much. I have one left. Not going to test tomorrow if I can resist the urge. LOL! How am I feeling, tired..just tired.

Day 8 - Embryo Freezing

Got the call today that none of my embies made it to freeze. All 6 'arrested' on Day 6 and were disarded on day 7, so there is nothing to freeze. I prayed that God would not leave it to me to decide which embies would be frozen and later discarded. I thank him for answering prayers. I am moving along and believing that this pregnancy is God's will and that our twins will arrive in the Fall of this year. Thank God for my two girls to keep me busy otherwise I know I'd be consumed with this. Despite the fact that I got 1500IU of HCG on retreival day, I will still test on the 13th. I read that 1000IUs leave the system each day. I had Egg retrieval on 1/31/15 so that stuff should be long gone. I tested on day two and got a negative, so I am trusting that all that HCG is gone and when I test on the 13th that positive will be confirmation. I am feeling pretty good, just tired of the endometrium inserts and estrogen pills. I have very vivid dreams at night and last night did not get enough sleep. So it will be early to bed tonight.

1DPET (1 Day Post Egg Transfer)

Finally able to take a moment to update on the transfer details. Day 4 was uneventful for us because we did not get any news on the embryos. According to my nurse they do not bother the embryos the day before transfer to allow them to thrive. We were scheduled for transfer at 9AM and we were supposed to arrive at 8:30 however, due to getting the girls to school and daycare and traffic then the parking situation at the doctor's office, I got in about 8:50am. I erroneously thought the transfer was at 9:30 and that my husband and I would spend that time convincing the doctor to transfer 2 eggs instead of one but when I got there they escorted me to the back, put my footies and wristband on and then sent me in to the transfer room. My husband had to put the headcaps on his big feet. LOL! The doctor came in and told us that the best two eggs were being selected and that the others were still developing and if they made it to day 8 they would be frozen. We were so shocked when he said two eggs, but he said based on the issues we came across with the need to do RICSI and my age, he'd be transferring two. Yippee. So they confirmed everything again and I layed back to receive the eggs. My cervix was washed with a lot of fluid. The sonographer helped him guide in the cathether and we could see it all on screen. THANK GOD it did not hurt like the MOCK. I had been instructed to drink 20oz water so my bladder would be full, he said mine was not but he was still able to get in. So he got the cathether in and then yelled for the eggs to be brought in. the eggs were bought in and that inserted through the cathether, we saw two little balls go blop, blop into my uterine cavity. So amazing. They also had our embryos up on the screen while they transferred and even gave us a photo of them. Such an amazing journey. We were told no sex or orgasm for 7 days, no strenuous exercise but that I did not have to go on bed rest like they used to do years back. I could resume my normal day with the the aforementioned restrictions. We laid there for 5 minutes and then I got up, cleaned up, got dressed and I came home while my hubbie went to work. I had heaviness in the lower abdominal area yesterday but today it has subsided. I have to continue taking the endometrium and estradiol and wait until the 18th of this month to do the blood pregnancy test. If I do a home pregnancy test it will be positive anyway since I got 1500IU of HCG when they did egg retrieval. This is going to be a LONG wait. But we are prayerful for our twins to implant and thrive. Oh they did assisted hatching on the eggs due to the zona pellucida issue they found during fertilization attempt. The doctor however said that the issue is not necessarily with my eggs. He said it can be that the zona pellucida is harder than normal OR that the sperm have an issue with the enzyme they are supposed to release to make the zona pellucida penetratable. I had mentioned this to my husband before but hearing it from the doctor made it sink in for him. Either way it does not matter. God blessed us with a two egg transfer. All praises!!!

The Comeback Kid

We are moving forward with transfer on Day 5 even though my eggs were not fertilized on retrieval day. I spoke to my nurse yesterday and she told me that they did RICSI on my eggs. Rescue ICSI where they inject the sperm after attempting fertlization. Why did I take away from my phone call with the Doctor that they just put more sperm in the dish and they were able to penetrate the egg. But anywho. On Monday when my nurse called she said 5 of the 10 eggs fertilized. Today she called to say that we had a come back kid who looked as though it had not fertilized, but now had 2 or 4 cells. So we have 6 in total with two leading with 8 cells. Transfer day is Thursday at 9:30am. This is going to be exciting. So 6 embryos going, after 20 considered, 18 retrieved, 10 mature, non fertilized on day 1, rescue ICSI, 5 fertilized and then an additional one fertilized. Wonder what God has in store now, because this is definitely not something for me to try and wing and drive on my own. This is a matter of LIFE AND DEATH. Truly something ONLY GOD should determine. I am encouraged.

Egg Retrieval and Day 1 Post Egg Retrieval (Very Long)

Today is day 1 post egg retrieval. I was too tired and sick to post yesterday at all. We went in at 11am to get the process going. I was not really nervous but my hubbie obviously was since he was in a horrible mood. It started with the fact that he had to provide a specimen and we normally do that via collection condom (intercourse) but not this time. He had to do it the old fashioned way and wanted my 'help' which I could not give since I was getting the kids ready for breakfast and the day with a sitter. In reality, I did not want to help. After over 30 days or hormones from birth control to lupron, I was in no mood. I told him I was busy and I had done it all up to this point so it was up to him to do his part. As normal he was sulky and when it came time to leave he told me he did not have a specimen. I had no response. When we got to the doctors and into the back I was told to undress but keep on bra and put on my robe. My husband was escorted to collect his specimen and verbalized his disgust for all of it calling it 'bullshit'. Not one word from me. I know him well enough to know when fear and panic are creeping in, he acts like a kid who is unable to control his emotions. I kept quiet less I go in a rage like he knows I can and bust him in the back of the head. Now I know more sensitive readers reading this will have their mouths on the floor, but its okay. AFter 13 years with this man, I know him well and I thank God that he has come into my life to keep me calmer than the early years. But that is a story for another day. My husband left, the doctor who would do the egg retrieval came by and introduce himself and then left. The anesthesiologist came and talked to me about allergies etc, had me sign some stuff and did an awesome job giving me an IV. He gave me some numbing meds with a small needle prior to putting the huge one in. Did not feel a thing! I was happy to get saline because I feared I would be dehydrated after not being about to have liqiuds. The OR nurse was in and out going over paperwork and everything else. Finally it was time to go in and the anesthesiologist came and walked me in. There were 2 ladies in the OR, whom I greeted and then joked about the tiny table I was going to lay on. The table had stirrups to hold my legs up and I saw a few of the tools that would be used for the procedure. I sat down and a nurse named Mika came in. The anesthesiologist cracked some light jokes with her (I think to distract me). She asked my name and DOB and the next thing I know I was being woken up. I was back in the recovery area and My husband was sitting beside the bed and I came too very groggily. A new nurse was with me, she was very pretty. She talked and then left, came back and said lets take a stroll. I went to the bathroom because it felt like my bladder was going to burst. Thank GOD I have had 3 abdominal surgeries and knew how to handle the pain I felt while trying to urinate. But over the years I have learned to pray through the initial pain of the urine coming down then exiting. I was bleeding and I felt like a piece of crap yal! I got back to the bed ate two crackers and some water. Water...I had not had a drop of anything since 11:40pm the night before. The nurse told us they retrieved 15 eggs. I had projected 15-18, I had 20 that were under consideration but thought the smaller ones would catch up but the ones that were already 20+ would be overripe. I thought those were great numbers and so eventually we got dressed and left. My husband said I was in the back for about 15 minutes and back out. He was surprised how quick it was. I could tell from his demeanor that he was scared. He was much more calm and attentive after I woke up. We walked out and then headed to get my meds. Oh! I did feel pain so I took two doses of whatever they gave me via IV, then the nurse gave me a vicodin for the road. Once we got in the car and moving I felt nauseous. We dropped off my prescription and my husband did not want to go home until it was filled because that meant he'd have to leave me with the kids alone. I just lay back in my seat as he went to get me some soup and some food for our kids. Food...oh my goodness, it made me nauseated to smell it and I had him put it in the back inside a shopping bag. Every bump...OUCH! Finally he was getting me some soup and kept checking on me while we waited. I had him drive with the windows down in 30 degree weather, but when he came to check on me the third time, I was puking my guts out. Well this scared the crap out of my husband, but I felt TONS better after that. He wanted to get me home immediately, but I convinced him to go back and check on the meds. We finally got them and went home. I kissed my kids and went straight to bed while my hubbie fed them and entertained and released the sitter. I slept for a bit and my oldest child woke me up to report daddy and the little one were sleeping but she could not sleep (because daddy was snoring). I thank God my daughter came up there, she is 5 but asked if she could get me something. I sent for water and an orange. She delivered, then got in bed with me and I cut on some cartoons while we chatted. Not much later my little 2 year old and daddy came up to check on me. I was feeling better just bloated as ever and of course in pain. My hubbie got my soup and crackers and a seltzer water and I took a vicodin. An hour or so later I got up and was moving around. Amen. I was still hurting but thats to be expected, but no more nausea. I knew it was best to get up or get to sore and be a mess. Today I am TONS better just sore in that area, still bloated and yes constipated. I have been doing colonic massage that I found on youtube for relief and it is working. Again having had 3 abdominal surgeries I know how to handle this. We got the call from the lab at 11am today. that was early since I was told they would call after noon. 10 eggs were mature out of the 18 but none of them fertilized. They had placed the sperm in the media with the eggs to allow natural fertilization to occur. My hubbies sperm penetrated the first layer of the egg (zona radiata), but could not penetrate the second layer (zona pellucida). They had attempted refertilization by placing more of my hubbie's sperm in the dish with the eggs, they all fertilized. I have to wait for an update to see who is still going on tomorrow. The doctor thought I would be devastated but the biologist in me was just smiling. I have thought about this process for years and had concluded one of two things that my zona pellucida was harder than usual and the sperm could not get in or that the egg would lose energy and not be able to successfully double in cells. To hear him say what I was thinking was total confirmation and now my unexplained infertility is explained. What a relief. Now to see what happens. Tougher Zona Pellucida makes it harder for the egg to hatch. not sure if I will need assisted hatching or not, but we will see. 10 fertilized, maybe 4 or 5 will make it to day 5. Which I am okay with because I do not want a surplus of leftover eggs. I pray that this IVF is successful and that there are no blastocysts leftover. I just have a hard time with discarding them when they may just thrive and live if placed in the right environment. So until tomorrow when we learn how may eggs are still thriving.